First things first. All those who are familiar with the movie, follow this link to skip the description and get to my sound archive. (If you have any sounds that I do not, please send them my way!) Those of you who have yet to see the movie (Shame on you!), read on so that you may correct this most grievous error.

    Alright, Let's get down to business.. The Princess Bride is a wonderful movie, filled with a surprising number of stars and incredibly funny dialogue. It is a fantasy, the story of two young lovers separated by adversity. Wesley and Buttercup are torn apart when Wesley's ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts,. Thinking Wesley dead, Buttercup agrees to marry the evil Prince Humperdink, and upon his return Wesley must save her.

    The stars of the film are: 

Cary Elwes as Wesley
He also appeared in Hot Shots! and Robin Hood: Men in Tights (with Richard Lewis: "I have a mole?") And he, unlike other Robin Hoods, can still manage that British accent!
Mandy Patinkin as Indigo Montoya
Since playing this role, he has worked quite a bit. You might have seen him in Alien Nation or, more recently, on Chicago Hope. This man is amazing!
Andre the Giant as Fezzig
I was a big fan of professional wrestling when I was younger, so you can imagine my surprise when I saw Andre the Giant acting in a movie. Yes, folks, that's right -- Andre did this movie well before Hulk Hogan tried his hand at acting, and I can honestly say that The Princess Bride turned out much, much better than Thunder in Paradise.
 

 

Billy Crystal as Miracle Max

The first time I saw the movie, I was absolutely shocked to see Billy Crystal pop up! I'm such a big fan of his to begin with, and when I saw him as Miracle Max I couldn't stop laughing. If you're looking for more of Billy Crystal, but you want something different, try the new production of Hamlet (by Kenneth Brannagh.) Billy has another cameo (as does Robin Williams!), this time as the gravedigger. Be forewarned: Hamlet is very long (but also well worth it.)
Carol Kane as Max's wife (Moira?)
Humperdink! Humperdink! Humperdink! (I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. You'll understand when you see the movie.) Carol Kane plays a wonderful shrew in this movie. Ms. Kane has been in several movies (Scrooged with Bill Murray, to name a very good one) and a few television shows. She played Latka's wife on Taxi and Rhea Perlman's friend on the recently-demised Pearl.
**My apologies to Ms. Kane. Until recently, I had written here that Tracy Ullman played Max's wife. Tracy Ullman is a wonderful actress, but she was not in this movie. I knew better, but I didn't think about it. Tracy Ullman was in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, in which she played a sex-crazed old witch. Once again, my apologies. (And thanks, Kristi, for bringing it to my attention!)
Peter Falk as the grandfather
Perhaps he's best known as Columbo, but he plays a sweet and funny grandfather in this film.
Fred Savage as the kid
Yes, that's right, it's Fred Savage. In my house, he will always be known as "that cute kid named Kevin" from The Wonder Years, but he also played opposite Howie Mandel in Little Monsters.

    I have divided this up by characters, although in some instances there is more than one person speaking in a particular sound file. What do I do then? Well, those files fall under multiple headings, so they have multiple links. It's that simple! That way if you want all the sound files I have of Indigo Montoya, you don't have to go digging through every single section to get everything. So, that said, let's get started.

    Click on the name to go to that character's section:

Wesley
Buttercup
Granpa
Fezzig
Indigo
Fezzini
Prince Humperdink
Count Rogan
Miracle Max (& his wife -- what's her name?)
Odds 'n' Ends Things that just don't fit anywhere else, like the Mawwaige scene.

• (I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.) I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog faced buffoon.
• (Wesley, what about the R.O.U.Ses?) Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist.
• As you wish.
• Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
• Good night, Wesley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
• Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
• I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake, but in the meantime rest well and dream of large women.
• There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours.
• To the pain. (The whole thing.)
• You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?
 

• He had eyes like the sea after a storm.
• Wesley, what about the arioases? (Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist.)
 

• As you wish.
• You're sick. I'll humor you.
• Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.

• Rhyming Scene
• Four white horses... Hello, lady! (from end of movie)
• It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest.
• You don't look so good. You don't smell so good, either.
• (Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad.) I'm on the brute squad. (You are the brute squad!)

• Rhyming Scene
• Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
• Fezzig, you did something right.
• You're sure nobody's follow us? Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and sonsing is there.
• I do not suppose you could speed things up.
• I wonder if he's using the same wind we are using.
• When I was strong enough I dedicated my life to the study of fencing so the next time we meet I will no fail.
• There will be blood tonight!
• (Inconceivable!) You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

• Rhyming Scene
• As I told you, it would absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable.
• Inconceivable! (You keep using that word I do not think it means what you think it means.)
• Am I going mad, or did the word "think" escape your lips?
• Haha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this... Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Hahahahahaha.... Hahahaha.. Hahaha! (ker-thunk)
• You were not hired for your brain, you hippopotanic land mass!
• I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
• Inconceivable!
• Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? (Yes) Morons.
• Not remotely!
• Oh, the sot has spoken!
• And remember this. Never forget this! When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy!
• You know what a hurry we're in.
• You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?
• And you! Friendless... Brainless... Helpless... Hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were... Unemployed, in Greenland?
 

• I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase. (I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog faced buffoon.)
• To the pain. (The whole thing.)

• Well, let's see how he does.

• Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
• Bye-bye, boys. Have fun storming the castle. (Think it'll work? It would take a miracle.) Goodbye!
• Where's that bellows cramp. He probably owes you money, huh? Well, I'll ask him. (He's dead; he can't talk.) Wooo hoo hoooo! Look who knows so much. Well it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead.
• Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad. (I'm on the brute squad.) You are the brute squad!

• Mawwaige.... Mawwaige is what bwings us togever today. Mawwaige, that bwessed awangement. That dweam wivin a dweam.
• And wove... Twue wove... Will follow you, forever.